The Battle

I could sit here, and try to explain the pain of  infertility but it's almost something you'd never explain. 

My body hurt terribly monthly. My mind hurt terribly monthly. Going through IVF hurt emotionally, physically, and mentally all the time. I became consumed with trying to have a baby. The words from my husband, "I want a baby that is naturally ours" wouldn't leave my mind. I was failing as a wife, and my heart and our marriage was shattering As the days went by. But Stephen kept pushing on, he kept "loving" me the best way he could. Gave me the space I thought I wanted. He supported me and told me it was okay, and that whatever happened was going to be okay, and that we would make it.

This hell continued until August 23, 2016 when we found out we were expecting!! I'll never forget when we saw the positive test, we both screamed and hugged and couldn't stop smiling!!!

Fast forward, a year and a half, we have twins, Aliviah and Jackson, finalized the adoption for  the most amazing boy Ryder, and moved to Florida!!

 

June 2016

 April 2016

 December 2016

And then for more of the backlash of my infertility Journey... I didn't know why we were being moved to Florida, but Stephen did. After 5 terrible months the truth was set free, I got the answer why we had to move to Florida. Now,  That's another post, that I will post, for another day, but the good news is that we made it through, and somehow, we aRe stronger than ever. 

I wouldn't have made it through, without God. He was my husband, during the time my husband refers to as, "the darkest time of his life"....God told me I was strong enough to make it through this, and he kept bringing me up. The many, many nights I sat crying, because I didn't understand what had happened to the man I loved, God sat right there with me, I was NEVER ALONE! . God made me so much stronger than my flesh wanted to be! 

I will be writing more of this experience, because frankly, it feels good to talk about it. And maybe I will encourage another wife out there? Maybe God will use our storm, with the rainbow at the end to encourage others. 

 

One of my favorites :) we took a trip to the wine country and had a babysitter and built up our marriage  :) May 2015

Thanks for reading. Xoxo

Tammy